Sitting in front of my computer, trying to study for my exam - not to many days left now, but it's hard. I just feel blue. I don't see these exams going very well, how could this have happened to me... The one thing that was sure in my life - gone. I miss him so much. I just don't know how to get past this.
Truth is, I haven't spoken to anyone other then my parents and work people in two months... I just can't deal. And it's getting worse. While in the beginning the texts and lost calls were nice, and I felt that it was a reminder that they cared. Now it feels like nagging - "oh, you don't answer, bla bla". I need to be alone! I don't want to talk to you. I just... let's be honest - I want to dissapear. The pain is unbearable. But I know that's not the answer so I'm trying to do the things that feel safe. Like staying by myself. Watching the safe shows, like Dexter. Avoiding shows that remind me of him, or depict happy couples in general. I literally threw food on the TV a few weeks ago watching friends because I was jealous of Ross and Rachel. Yup, I am that sad. Even the new twillight movie, me and my friend T have seen all the Twillight movies together. We had been looking forward to this one - but a love movie, featuring a wedding? I think not. That will just break my heart. See how the smallest thing can push me over the edge? I just can't deal. Which bring me back to why I'm avoiding all my friends. I just can't hear about S moving in with her boyfriend, or how happy J is with her new man. It literally kills me and reminds me of what I've lost.
So I sitting here, all alone. Crying. But trying to study. Yup, my life is awesome. At least I got this new nail polish. Do you like it? Or is it to green?
